Litaraniel
Генератор кубиков
It hurts that it's not my voice on the record.
It has no logic, "no rhyme or reason". I never wanted my voice on record. I don't like it even after I tried it. But there... it hurts that my voice isn't good enough, isn't clear enough, isn't articulated enough to be there. For if it was... if it was, it would replace that one. At least, it might replace that one.
Not in that particular record, but... I could always remake it.
I'll still have to remake it, even if I don't touch that voice track.
I guess it hurts because this record can be played over and over and over again, and if it was my voice...

Speaking unbiasedly, it's good as it is and there's no need to re-record that part, like, whatsoever. I guess my hurt is misplaced, as it often happens to be.
I mean, why don't I go and leave my trace in other ways? In the ways I'm capable of and skilled at? I can write, I have proof of that.
It's just, I can, but it hurts so much I can't finish.
And, ending aside, I'm reverently afraid to get it wrong.
I'm even afraid to post that old drabble, the very safe one. It's like I don't dare to touch the topic anymore.
I was never explicitly forbidden from doing it.
I was always good at forbidding things to myself on my own.

Also, I'm not going back on my crafts project.
And, as usual, my equipment broke down on my resolution. Do I hate those negative coincidences.
I should work around it, I guess. The piece of equipment that was the focus of my bad luck the previous time is now up and running. (If I don't jinx it.)
I should go there anyway, for a test run at least...
And I'm making way too many grammar errors to keep this up, I suppose.

Well, I did (!) that step forward - and of course I won't write what it was, exactly - but I seemed to stop right afterwards, and what kind of progress is that?

A slow one.

@музыка: Tiamat - Teonanacatl

@темы: поток сознания, EN